Is He Too Young?

A friend of mine just started dating a much younger guy.  “My friends say he is too young for me, but we really enjoy each others company and having him around make me feel good again.   I am 55 and he is 30.  Is he too young?”

What do you think?

My thoughts: Let’s look at this from two different directions.

First, the analytical.  He is 25 years younger than you are now.  That means when you are 80 he will still be in the prime of his life.  Frankly, I have to ask if a 55 year old guy would really want to be with an 80 year old?  Also, what if you, at 80, are not in the greatest of health?  Will your lover/partner want to be taking care of you or would he rather be out with the guys enjoying himself?

Age frequently gets in the way of relationships and I can understand that many people say that age is just a number.  I know of one couple with a 20 year difference between them.  They are very much in love after being partnered for over 20 years.  The older of the two has some health issues and does require some care from his partner.  That said, the younger in the couple cherishes his partner and says it could have been him needing care even at the younger age.

Is he too young for me?

My second thought is as follows.

How do the two of you relate to the others life style?  Do you get along with his friends?  Do you enjoy his music?  Does he enjoy yours?  What do his friends say about you dating him?  Do they accept you into their social circle?  Do your friends accept him into your circle?

These are important questions since the two of you will have to enjoy each others life styles for many years to come.  If he is not accepted or you are not accepted then it will become stressful for both of you.  It’s more than just the two of you in a house – it’s the two of your worlds which could collide or run parallel smoothly.

If the two of you really love each other.  And, if the two of you really are committed to each other.  And, if there are no identifiable health issues right now, then here is what I would do in your shoes.

I would sit my lover down and have a heart to heart discussion about the analytical side of your relationship.   Ask him if he understands what could happen as you both age?   Discuss the issues I just mentioned and openly look around to see if there are any issues you are ignoring.

Then take it slowly.  Address the potential issues as they emerge.  Stay the course and see if you really love each other or if it’s lust that has kept you together so far.

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